That's the title of my newest ACEO and it is exactly how I feel.
In common with an awful lot of other people we haven't seen any sign of gritting since this 'cold snap' began. As we live at the top of a steep cul de sac with a steep drive and my car doesn't do snow or ice it has remained motionless for the past four weeks.
Today my eldest son decided it would be alright if we went an errand in my car (note he didn't want to move his own car) so off we went. I got three feet before the ABS kicked in and cut the power as the back wheels had decided to do things totally unconnected with what the front wheels were doing.
So we switched off the ABS and slid the rest of the way down the road, no brakes, no steering, lots of muttering, but as it's very quiet with no through traffic we simply slid to a halt at the bottom.
No problem doing the errand but no way was my car going back up our road, it performed a few pirouettes, lost an inch of rubber off its very expensive new tyres but didn't move an inch forward.
So I carefully reversed back onto the flat and left it in disgust.
Later this afternoon together with eldest son we mounted a rescue operation and returned it to the drive were it will remain until Spring.